“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29, NIV)
Last summer, a man surreptitiously followed the head of his Homeowners Association around the neighborhood. He made sure she didn’t see him following her. The man decided to do this, because he had been constantly harassed by this woman. She became visibly upset when he changed the oil in the driveway on a Saturday morning and wrote him up. She complained that the color he had chosen to paint his mailbox was inappropriate and she wrote him up. In six months, she had found dozens of things wrong at his home and was glad to yell at him about it. As the man followed her around, he was amazed at how many people she was complaining to, written up, and fined. In the end, his videos were passed among the neighbors, and she was forbidden from ever taking a spot on the Homeowners Association again.
It wasn’t that the woman was mean or spiteful. She just loved making and using the rules of the Homeowners Association to nitpick every little thing. She was constantly scouring the neighborhood for infractions, things she didn’t like, rules that could be made for what she considered gaudy or intrusive or inappropriate to her tastes. The rules became her method to control the neighborhood, get what she wanted, and lord it over others.
Some people like to place themselves and their opinions above others. They look for faults in others to tear them down. They believe their own thinking is superior to others. They like it when those around fear them, bow down to them, or serve them. Jesus was highly critical of this type of personality. He taught the disciples about the evils of “lording it over others” (Matthew 20:25, Mark 10:42). Jesus commanded His disciples, “It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant…” (Matthew 20:26). Jesus wanted the church to be full of servants, full of service, with pews full of those who looked out for one another. The faithful were not to “lord it over” others.
The Apostle Paul added to this message of Jesus in our scripture reading for today. Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:29 that “unwholesome talk” should not be found in the conversations among the faithful. Instead, Paul wished for the Ephesian church and elsewhere that “only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs” should be the bulk of the conversations. Unlike the woman from the Homeowners Association, Christians need to use conversation that is beneficial, uplifting, and godly. Sadly, these types of conversations are wholly missing in many places (even churches!) today.
There are two ways people commonly fail to build others up in the Lord. One is to “lord it over others”. Billy Graham described this spiritual failure in Hope for Each Day:
“We’ve all met people who seem to enjoy correcting others and telling them what is wrong with them. Sometimes it’s done with an arrogant attitude—“I’m better than you, and I know what’s wrong with you.” Sometimes it’s done with false humility: “I humbly hope I can help you become a better person.”
If you’re like most of us, however, you probably don’t care much for people like this, and (rightly or wrongly) you probably don’t listen to their advice. You sense that their real motive is pride, and their main goal is to impress you with how wise and perfect they are.
This is the opposite of what the Bible says here about the way we should speak to others. Instead of pride, our motive should be love. Instead of criticism, our goal should be to encourage and uplift. Instead of impressing others with ourselves, we want them to be impressed with Christ. Learn to avoid hurtful and useless words and ask God to help you to encourage and help someone for Christ’s sake today.” (p. 140)
However, there is another less obvious way to fail to build others up in the Lord. Instead of “lording it over” others, you never offer godly discipline, correction, or teaching. Think of the parent who lets her child run wild. She may think she is being loving or kind by giving the child all kinds of freedom without responsibility or correction. This is not “helpful for building others up” (Ephesians 4:29). Instead, it enables the child to be selfish, self-centered, and unrepentant. Every one of us needs discipline. In fact, we are taught in scripture that the Lord “disciplines those whom HE loves” (Hebrews 12:6). Godly discipline will always benefit the child of God!
How well do you offer words that build others up in the Lord? Do you tend to be too overbearing? Do you swear up a storm? Do you engender fear in the household or in your church? Or do you let people walk all over you? Do you hold back the words God gives you to correct another? Are you too passive or too aggressive with your words? What kind of words do the people around you need this week? Do they need discipline, support, love, or a combination of all three? How shall you build others up in the name of the Lord?
A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Blessed Lord God, give me the wisdom to speak wisely. Grant me the ability to discern when to use words of discipline and when to use words of encouragement!
Heavenly Father, forgive my weakness. When I am tired, I often fail to say the right things. Sometimes, I am too harsh. At other times, I just don’t care. When I am angry, it is all too easy to say things I will regret later or argue the little things. Keep my mind and heart in check. If I am wandering away from godly talk, bring me back. If I need Your holy discipline, bring it on! I want to be obedient to Your word!
I thank You for the love of Christ. I do not deserve such love, but with grace You shower it upon me! I find it amazing how You can bring the perfect word to every occasion. I thank You for the Bible and its godly teaching. I am grateful for the Holy Spirit’s guidance and direction. Help me to reflect Your truth. Let me be an instrument of Your peace. Amen.
It wasn’t that the woman was mean or spiteful. She just loved making and using the rules of the Homeowners Association to nitpick every little thing. She was constantly scouring the neighborhood for infractions, things she didn’t like, rules that could be made for what she considered gaudy or intrusive or inappropriate to her tastes. The rules became her method to control the neighborhood, get what she wanted, and lord it over others.
Some people like to place themselves and their opinions above others. They look for faults in others to tear them down. They believe their own thinking is superior to others. They like it when those around fear them, bow down to them, or serve them. Jesus was highly critical of this type of personality. He taught the disciples about the evils of “lording it over others” (Matthew 20:25, Mark 10:42). Jesus commanded His disciples, “It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant…” (Matthew 20:26). Jesus wanted the church to be full of servants, full of service, with pews full of those who looked out for one another. The faithful were not to “lord it over” others.
The Apostle Paul added to this message of Jesus in our scripture reading for today. Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:29 that “unwholesome talk” should not be found in the conversations among the faithful. Instead, Paul wished for the Ephesian church and elsewhere that “only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs” should be the bulk of the conversations. Unlike the woman from the Homeowners Association, Christians need to use conversation that is beneficial, uplifting, and godly. Sadly, these types of conversations are wholly missing in many places (even churches!) today.
There are two ways people commonly fail to build others up in the Lord. One is to “lord it over others”. Billy Graham described this spiritual failure in Hope for Each Day:
“We’ve all met people who seem to enjoy correcting others and telling them what is wrong with them. Sometimes it’s done with an arrogant attitude—“I’m better than you, and I know what’s wrong with you.” Sometimes it’s done with false humility: “I humbly hope I can help you become a better person.”
If you’re like most of us, however, you probably don’t care much for people like this, and (rightly or wrongly) you probably don’t listen to their advice. You sense that their real motive is pride, and their main goal is to impress you with how wise and perfect they are.
This is the opposite of what the Bible says here about the way we should speak to others. Instead of pride, our motive should be love. Instead of criticism, our goal should be to encourage and uplift. Instead of impressing others with ourselves, we want them to be impressed with Christ. Learn to avoid hurtful and useless words and ask God to help you to encourage and help someone for Christ’s sake today.” (p. 140)
However, there is another less obvious way to fail to build others up in the Lord. Instead of “lording it over” others, you never offer godly discipline, correction, or teaching. Think of the parent who lets her child run wild. She may think she is being loving or kind by giving the child all kinds of freedom without responsibility or correction. This is not “helpful for building others up” (Ephesians 4:29). Instead, it enables the child to be selfish, self-centered, and unrepentant. Every one of us needs discipline. In fact, we are taught in scripture that the Lord “disciplines those whom HE loves” (Hebrews 12:6). Godly discipline will always benefit the child of God!
How well do you offer words that build others up in the Lord? Do you tend to be too overbearing? Do you swear up a storm? Do you engender fear in the household or in your church? Or do you let people walk all over you? Do you hold back the words God gives you to correct another? Are you too passive or too aggressive with your words? What kind of words do the people around you need this week? Do they need discipline, support, love, or a combination of all three? How shall you build others up in the name of the Lord?
A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Blessed Lord God, give me the wisdom to speak wisely. Grant me the ability to discern when to use words of discipline and when to use words of encouragement!
Heavenly Father, forgive my weakness. When I am tired, I often fail to say the right things. Sometimes, I am too harsh. At other times, I just don’t care. When I am angry, it is all too easy to say things I will regret later or argue the little things. Keep my mind and heart in check. If I am wandering away from godly talk, bring me back. If I need Your holy discipline, bring it on! I want to be obedient to Your word!
I thank You for the love of Christ. I do not deserve such love, but with grace You shower it upon me! I find it amazing how You can bring the perfect word to every occasion. I thank You for the Bible and its godly teaching. I am grateful for the Holy Spirit’s guidance and direction. Help me to reflect Your truth. Let me be an instrument of Your peace. Amen.