“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.” (2 Timothy 2:24, NIV)
One might describe George as a “powder keg”. Even though he was a Christian, he had these outbursts of anger and hostility. Little things would set him off like a mistaken word or a project that was falling behind. Some said that George was a perfectionist. Others believed him to have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Whatever it was that made George’s personality volatile, it definitely was not God!
George often came in on Mondays to check the mail or to get a few jobs done. While there, he would chat with the secretary or share a few words with me. George was an intelligent, thoughtful leader. However, some days he could be challenging. If something didn’t go right, if a bill submitted to the church was turned in incorrectly, if a problem arose in his committee, George could get downright hostile. He would shout at people, slam down his fist in anger, stare at people with pursed lips, and dominate an argument. People learned to deal with George one of two ways. Either they would stay far away from him, or they would just “agree with him to shut him up”. This led to problem after problem with George at that church.
Were you ever forced to work with an unreasonable person? How do you deal with a volatile individual? What happens when that angry person is a member of your church?! Imagine being a pastor and having several bullying personalities to face every week! These quarrelsome people can turn your church into a stressful place, your church committees into dysfunctional gatherings, and your encounters into dangerous territory!
Quarrelsome people put others on edge at one time or another.
Our scripture for today contains a command by the Apostle Paul to Timothy, a budding Pastor. Young Timothy was just beginning his ministry when Paul took him under the wing to help him learn the ropes of church leadership. When it came to volatile people, Paul made it very clear to Timothy that “the Lord’s servant MUST NOT be quarrelsome….”(2 Timothy 2:24a). In truth, Paul taught that to be a true servant of God required the faithful to be “kind to everyone”. They must be humble enough to learn. They must never be “resentful” (2 Timothy 2:24b). I find it very interesting that Paul used such strong language when speaking about quarrelsome people. They MUST NOT be quarrelsome and MUST BE kind to everyone! These words make crystal clear that Paul saw these attitudes to be incredibly important for a healthy functioning church, for pastors and church leaders, and for the family environment.
A pastor friend of mine came to me looking for advice. A counseling situation put him in a bind. He didn’t know what to do. When a couple in the church came to him for marriage counseling, it took him a while to realize that the cause of the most friction in their marriage was a teenage son. Daniel, the son, had a volatile personality. He was prone to outbursts of anger and hostility. Often, he would side with his mother who doted on him. Then, he would lash out at his father. After the pastor described the family dynamics, we talked about the possibility of Daniel being a narcissist. After much prayer and further study, the pastor decided he could no longer counsel the family. As long as the mother allowed Daniel to destroy the family environment with his outbursts of anger and button-pushing, the couple would never work through their differences. Allowing Daniel to instigate frequent fights in the family made it so that the couple’s relationship could not heal.
Quarrelsome people tend to wreck relationships, even healthy ones. If you take a healthy marriage and introduce an argumentative, narcissistic teenager into the mix, all kinds of problems arise in the home. Even if a church is functioning wonderfully, if you add a few quarrelsome new members into the fold, it won’t be long before you will see friction in interpersonal relationships, church fights, and maybe even church splits! Quarrelsome people, even when highly gifted, can be highly destructive to relationships. Often, they will start fights just to get their way. They can be highly manipulative. Even when they are conscientious and loving, the fear and discord they inevitably engender raise havoc in social structures.
While you may think you aren’t quarrelsome all the time, are you prone to push a person’s buttons to get a rise out of her? Do you enjoy a good verbal fight? Do your friendships devolve into teasing and personal attacks when you get upset? When stressed, do you lash out? In these ways, you might be quarrelsome without even realizing it.
I was sitting at a church dinner when Carolyn came up to me and said, “Yesterday, Dorothy made me angry with her annoying need to have her way. Did you know that before worship she hurt a new member’s feelings by asking the person to move out of her pew?” I did not know that.
Then, Carolyn said, “I’ll put Dorothy in her place. Just watch.”
I wanted to calm Carolyn down, but she stormed off. She walked over to Dorothy, smiled and chit-chatted. Then, I noticed Dorothy’s face turn red, and she stormed off. Carolyn walked past me and whispered, “I love a good fight. This will be a good one!”
Carolyn had whispered to Dorothy that a woman in the church called her “a testy, old bat”. Carolyn kept this information to herself to use at the opportune time just to push Dorothy’s buttons. Fights and arguments broke out for weeks in different areas of the church before things finally settled down.
Spiteful people, insecure feelings, vengeful attitudes, argumentative individuals, and manipulative tendencies can ignite quarrels given the right situation. Churches don't need people who are difficult. It is important that quarrels be kept out of the church. Church people should be reminded that quarrels and button-pushing and volatile personality traits have no place in the healthy soul. These personality traits need to be exorcised from the faithful heart. As long as a Christian is prone to be argumentative, nothing good will come from their quarrelsome actions.
Be careful that you deal with any internal emotion that causes you to feel quarrelsome. If your anger is kindled, work things through with God. If your hackles are up, chances are you have some insecurities or unresolved issues to examine. For some people, quarrels and infighting are natural responses. If you read today’s scripture without bias, it sees quarrels and infighting as unholy endeavors.
George often came in on Mondays to check the mail or to get a few jobs done. While there, he would chat with the secretary or share a few words with me. George was an intelligent, thoughtful leader. However, some days he could be challenging. If something didn’t go right, if a bill submitted to the church was turned in incorrectly, if a problem arose in his committee, George could get downright hostile. He would shout at people, slam down his fist in anger, stare at people with pursed lips, and dominate an argument. People learned to deal with George one of two ways. Either they would stay far away from him, or they would just “agree with him to shut him up”. This led to problem after problem with George at that church.
Were you ever forced to work with an unreasonable person? How do you deal with a volatile individual? What happens when that angry person is a member of your church?! Imagine being a pastor and having several bullying personalities to face every week! These quarrelsome people can turn your church into a stressful place, your church committees into dysfunctional gatherings, and your encounters into dangerous territory!
Quarrelsome people put others on edge at one time or another.
Our scripture for today contains a command by the Apostle Paul to Timothy, a budding Pastor. Young Timothy was just beginning his ministry when Paul took him under the wing to help him learn the ropes of church leadership. When it came to volatile people, Paul made it very clear to Timothy that “the Lord’s servant MUST NOT be quarrelsome….”(2 Timothy 2:24a). In truth, Paul taught that to be a true servant of God required the faithful to be “kind to everyone”. They must be humble enough to learn. They must never be “resentful” (2 Timothy 2:24b). I find it very interesting that Paul used such strong language when speaking about quarrelsome people. They MUST NOT be quarrelsome and MUST BE kind to everyone! These words make crystal clear that Paul saw these attitudes to be incredibly important for a healthy functioning church, for pastors and church leaders, and for the family environment.
A pastor friend of mine came to me looking for advice. A counseling situation put him in a bind. He didn’t know what to do. When a couple in the church came to him for marriage counseling, it took him a while to realize that the cause of the most friction in their marriage was a teenage son. Daniel, the son, had a volatile personality. He was prone to outbursts of anger and hostility. Often, he would side with his mother who doted on him. Then, he would lash out at his father. After the pastor described the family dynamics, we talked about the possibility of Daniel being a narcissist. After much prayer and further study, the pastor decided he could no longer counsel the family. As long as the mother allowed Daniel to destroy the family environment with his outbursts of anger and button-pushing, the couple would never work through their differences. Allowing Daniel to instigate frequent fights in the family made it so that the couple’s relationship could not heal.
Quarrelsome people tend to wreck relationships, even healthy ones. If you take a healthy marriage and introduce an argumentative, narcissistic teenager into the mix, all kinds of problems arise in the home. Even if a church is functioning wonderfully, if you add a few quarrelsome new members into the fold, it won’t be long before you will see friction in interpersonal relationships, church fights, and maybe even church splits! Quarrelsome people, even when highly gifted, can be highly destructive to relationships. Often, they will start fights just to get their way. They can be highly manipulative. Even when they are conscientious and loving, the fear and discord they inevitably engender raise havoc in social structures.
While you may think you aren’t quarrelsome all the time, are you prone to push a person’s buttons to get a rise out of her? Do you enjoy a good verbal fight? Do your friendships devolve into teasing and personal attacks when you get upset? When stressed, do you lash out? In these ways, you might be quarrelsome without even realizing it.
I was sitting at a church dinner when Carolyn came up to me and said, “Yesterday, Dorothy made me angry with her annoying need to have her way. Did you know that before worship she hurt a new member’s feelings by asking the person to move out of her pew?” I did not know that.
Then, Carolyn said, “I’ll put Dorothy in her place. Just watch.”
I wanted to calm Carolyn down, but she stormed off. She walked over to Dorothy, smiled and chit-chatted. Then, I noticed Dorothy’s face turn red, and she stormed off. Carolyn walked past me and whispered, “I love a good fight. This will be a good one!”
Carolyn had whispered to Dorothy that a woman in the church called her “a testy, old bat”. Carolyn kept this information to herself to use at the opportune time just to push Dorothy’s buttons. Fights and arguments broke out for weeks in different areas of the church before things finally settled down.
Spiteful people, insecure feelings, vengeful attitudes, argumentative individuals, and manipulative tendencies can ignite quarrels given the right situation. Churches don't need people who are difficult. It is important that quarrels be kept out of the church. Church people should be reminded that quarrels and button-pushing and volatile personality traits have no place in the healthy soul. These personality traits need to be exorcised from the faithful heart. As long as a Christian is prone to be argumentative, nothing good will come from their quarrelsome actions.
Be careful that you deal with any internal emotion that causes you to feel quarrelsome. If your anger is kindled, work things through with God. If your hackles are up, chances are you have some insecurities or unresolved issues to examine. For some people, quarrels and infighting are natural responses. If you read today’s scripture without bias, it sees quarrels and infighting as unholy endeavors.