Are you too Hard on Yourself?
“You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48, RSV)
“After a long absence from the stage, pianist Vladimir Horowitz was to perform in Chicago. Franz Mohr, the chief concert technician for Steinway and Sons, was assigned to make sure the piano was in perfect condition. He did so to the best of his ability but wasn't able to relax until Horowitz had given a brilliant rendering of his first number. As was his custom, the pianist left the stage -- but didn't return. Mohr was summoned backstage. "Where have you been?" exclaimed Horowitz. "I cannot play again. The piano stool is far too high!" Mohr nervously inquired at to the size of the problem. Horowitz held up his hand, his thumb and forefinger about a quarter of an inch apart.” (“Today in the Word”, March 25, 1993)
Vladimir Horowitz was a perfectionist. Perfectionism is the need to be error-free. It is the extreme desire to not make a mistake or to have your surroundings be “just so”. I find it very interesting that some people think they can be perfect. Human beings are notoriously imperfect. We falter. We fail. We sin. Romans 3:23 states that “all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Despite this knowledge, some people strive very hard for perfection. They are called perfectionists. They are hard on themselves. They are hard to live with. Often, they not only expect perfection from themselves, they expect it from family members and children. This obsession can damage so many things. It caused Vladimir Horowitz to stop playing the piano in Chicago. It can cause you to become intolerant or cruel. Perfectionism can destroy your ability to be receive forgiveness or to give grace. It is a destructive emotion.
Since perfectionism can be so destructive, psychologically and spiritually, why did Jesus teach in his “Sermon on the Mount” that God’s followers needed to “be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48)? Was Jesus expecting faithful people to be perfectionists? No. Jesus’ words are hard to comprehend, because the translation from the Greek original writing of Matthew into English is easily misunderstood. When Jesus said He wanted you to “be perfect”, He didn’t mean you should “be perfectionistic”. There is a difference. The original Greek word for “perfect” used in this verse means to be “complete”, “mature”, or “without a blemish”. It doesn’t mean you haven’t sinned. It means you have matured to the point where you understand what sin is and what to do about it. To be perfect, Jesus desired for you to be spiritually “mature” enough to deal with things like sin and grace, repentance and salvation, right and wrong, evil and righteousness. How spiritually mature are you?
“In his men's seminar, David Simmons, a former cornerback for the Dallas Cowboys, tells about his childhood home. His father, a military man, was extremely demanding, rarely saying a kind word, always pushing him with harsh criticism to do better. The father had decided that he would never permit his son to feel any satisfaction from his accomplishments, reminding him there were always new goals ahead. When Dave was a little boy, his dad gave him a bicycle, unassembled, with the command that he put it together. After Dave struggled to the point of tears with the difficult instructions and many parts, his father said, "I knew you couldn't do it." Then he assembled it for him.
When Dave played football in high school, his father was unrelenting in his criticisms. In the backyard of his home, after every game, his dad would go over every play and point out Dave's errors. "Most boys got butterflies in the stomach before the game; I got them afterwards. Facing my father was more stressful than facing any opposing team." By the time he entered college, Dave hated his father and his harsh discipline. He chose to play football at the University of Georgia because its campus was further from home than any school that offered him a scholarship. After college, he became the second-round draft pick of the St. Louis cardinal's professional football club. Joe Namath (who later signed with the New York Jets), was the club's first round pick that year. "Excited, "I telephoned my father to tell him the good news. He said, 'How does it feel to be second?'"
Despite the hateful feelings he had for his father, Dave began to build a bridge to his dad. Christ had come into his life during college years, and it was God's love that made him turn to his father. During visits home he stimulated conversation with him and listened with interest to what his father had to say. He learned for the first time what his grandfather had been like--a tough lumberjack known for his quick temper. Once he destroyed a pickup truck with a sledgehammer because it wouldn't start, and he often beat his son. This new awareness affected Dave dramatically. "Knowing about my father's upbringing not only made me more sympathetic for him, but it helped me see that, under the circumstances, he might have done much worse. By the time he died, I can honestly say we were friends."” (Charles Sell, Unfinished Business, p. 171)
To be perfect in Christ, David Simmons had to learn why his father was so harsh. He had to deal with his father’s shortcomings and work through anger at his father’s attitude. David Simmons could have followed in his father’s footsteps and become a harsh critic and perfection-oriented person who was hard on himself and others. Instead, he became perfectly mature in Christ. He chose to forgive his father. He chose to work through his failings and fears. He chose to give grace, despite the abuse he received.
Spiritual maturity is not easy. It usually comes when you learn hard lessons. I have found that those who have it easy in life do not mature well in the Spirit. They often rely more on money than God. They are often unwilling to forgive others or themselves. They do not bestow grace upon others with aplomb. Jesus wanted you to be perfect before God the Father. He wanted you to learn spiritual maturity. You are well on your way if you meditate here on this website, study your Bible (and not just read it), pray with your whole heart, and spread the good news of salvation. But spiritual maturity is something you will need to strive your whole life to attain. It will involve learning your weaknesses and failing points. It will expose your sin and faulty thinking. It will cause you to deal with your past and work through your troubles. If you are willing to face the difficulties, spiritual maturity can bring you a wonderful peace with God. It will show you aspects of the faith that are hidden to others. Spiritual maturity will reveal the insights of scripture in new ways and empower your prayer to awesome heights. It will drive you to your knees begging for forgiveness. Then, it will get you ready to receive forgiveness and grace with the joy God desires.
Will you strive to “be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect”? What do you need to work through in your spiritual life to be more spiritually mature?Are you too hard on yourself, expecting no mistakes or failures? Learn to forgive yourself and feel the grace God gives. Are you too harsh a critic? It's a small step from being overly harsh with yourself to being cynical or unforgiving or cruel. Does God desire you to be a harsh critic or to learn to accept grace? God knows when to be tough and when to be loving. Do you?
“After a long absence from the stage, pianist Vladimir Horowitz was to perform in Chicago. Franz Mohr, the chief concert technician for Steinway and Sons, was assigned to make sure the piano was in perfect condition. He did so to the best of his ability but wasn't able to relax until Horowitz had given a brilliant rendering of his first number. As was his custom, the pianist left the stage -- but didn't return. Mohr was summoned backstage. "Where have you been?" exclaimed Horowitz. "I cannot play again. The piano stool is far too high!" Mohr nervously inquired at to the size of the problem. Horowitz held up his hand, his thumb and forefinger about a quarter of an inch apart.” (“Today in the Word”, March 25, 1993)
Vladimir Horowitz was a perfectionist. Perfectionism is the need to be error-free. It is the extreme desire to not make a mistake or to have your surroundings be “just so”. I find it very interesting that some people think they can be perfect. Human beings are notoriously imperfect. We falter. We fail. We sin. Romans 3:23 states that “all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Despite this knowledge, some people strive very hard for perfection. They are called perfectionists. They are hard on themselves. They are hard to live with. Often, they not only expect perfection from themselves, they expect it from family members and children. This obsession can damage so many things. It caused Vladimir Horowitz to stop playing the piano in Chicago. It can cause you to become intolerant or cruel. Perfectionism can destroy your ability to be receive forgiveness or to give grace. It is a destructive emotion.
Since perfectionism can be so destructive, psychologically and spiritually, why did Jesus teach in his “Sermon on the Mount” that God’s followers needed to “be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48)? Was Jesus expecting faithful people to be perfectionists? No. Jesus’ words are hard to comprehend, because the translation from the Greek original writing of Matthew into English is easily misunderstood. When Jesus said He wanted you to “be perfect”, He didn’t mean you should “be perfectionistic”. There is a difference. The original Greek word for “perfect” used in this verse means to be “complete”, “mature”, or “without a blemish”. It doesn’t mean you haven’t sinned. It means you have matured to the point where you understand what sin is and what to do about it. To be perfect, Jesus desired for you to be spiritually “mature” enough to deal with things like sin and grace, repentance and salvation, right and wrong, evil and righteousness. How spiritually mature are you?
“In his men's seminar, David Simmons, a former cornerback for the Dallas Cowboys, tells about his childhood home. His father, a military man, was extremely demanding, rarely saying a kind word, always pushing him with harsh criticism to do better. The father had decided that he would never permit his son to feel any satisfaction from his accomplishments, reminding him there were always new goals ahead. When Dave was a little boy, his dad gave him a bicycle, unassembled, with the command that he put it together. After Dave struggled to the point of tears with the difficult instructions and many parts, his father said, "I knew you couldn't do it." Then he assembled it for him.
When Dave played football in high school, his father was unrelenting in his criticisms. In the backyard of his home, after every game, his dad would go over every play and point out Dave's errors. "Most boys got butterflies in the stomach before the game; I got them afterwards. Facing my father was more stressful than facing any opposing team." By the time he entered college, Dave hated his father and his harsh discipline. He chose to play football at the University of Georgia because its campus was further from home than any school that offered him a scholarship. After college, he became the second-round draft pick of the St. Louis cardinal's professional football club. Joe Namath (who later signed with the New York Jets), was the club's first round pick that year. "Excited, "I telephoned my father to tell him the good news. He said, 'How does it feel to be second?'"
Despite the hateful feelings he had for his father, Dave began to build a bridge to his dad. Christ had come into his life during college years, and it was God's love that made him turn to his father. During visits home he stimulated conversation with him and listened with interest to what his father had to say. He learned for the first time what his grandfather had been like--a tough lumberjack known for his quick temper. Once he destroyed a pickup truck with a sledgehammer because it wouldn't start, and he often beat his son. This new awareness affected Dave dramatically. "Knowing about my father's upbringing not only made me more sympathetic for him, but it helped me see that, under the circumstances, he might have done much worse. By the time he died, I can honestly say we were friends."” (Charles Sell, Unfinished Business, p. 171)
To be perfect in Christ, David Simmons had to learn why his father was so harsh. He had to deal with his father’s shortcomings and work through anger at his father’s attitude. David Simmons could have followed in his father’s footsteps and become a harsh critic and perfection-oriented person who was hard on himself and others. Instead, he became perfectly mature in Christ. He chose to forgive his father. He chose to work through his failings and fears. He chose to give grace, despite the abuse he received.
Spiritual maturity is not easy. It usually comes when you learn hard lessons. I have found that those who have it easy in life do not mature well in the Spirit. They often rely more on money than God. They are often unwilling to forgive others or themselves. They do not bestow grace upon others with aplomb. Jesus wanted you to be perfect before God the Father. He wanted you to learn spiritual maturity. You are well on your way if you meditate here on this website, study your Bible (and not just read it), pray with your whole heart, and spread the good news of salvation. But spiritual maturity is something you will need to strive your whole life to attain. It will involve learning your weaknesses and failing points. It will expose your sin and faulty thinking. It will cause you to deal with your past and work through your troubles. If you are willing to face the difficulties, spiritual maturity can bring you a wonderful peace with God. It will show you aspects of the faith that are hidden to others. Spiritual maturity will reveal the insights of scripture in new ways and empower your prayer to awesome heights. It will drive you to your knees begging for forgiveness. Then, it will get you ready to receive forgiveness and grace with the joy God desires.
Will you strive to “be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect”? What do you need to work through in your spiritual life to be more spiritually mature?Are you too hard on yourself, expecting no mistakes or failures? Learn to forgive yourself and feel the grace God gives. Are you too harsh a critic? It's a small step from being overly harsh with yourself to being cynical or unforgiving or cruel. Does God desire you to be a harsh critic or to learn to accept grace? God knows when to be tough and when to be loving. Do you?